Anger

Never negotiate when you are truly angry. You simply can’t think clearly and you will inevitably make mistakes. At best, you will say something that you will regret. At worst, you could completely wreck the negotiation. That does not mean that you should never show anger in a negotiation. But make sure you do so when you have your emotions under control.

When someone is displaying anger at you, you need to understand where it is directed. There are three possibilities. They could actually be angry at you for something that you did, they could be angry at someone in your organization, or they could be using anger as a tactic. The best way to sort this out quickly is to ask a very specific question:

•  “Are you angry at me personally for something that I have done?”

Place the emphasis on the word personally. This question tends to sort things out pretty quickly. If they really are angry at you, they may tell you so:

• “Yes in fact, I am really upset that although you promised to personally resolve any delivery problems that we had, you simply haven’t followed through.”

Now maybe you’re wondering why you ever asked the question. However, if you had realized that your customer was angry about this earlier, you would have dealt with it. Better to clear the air now and deal with it. Here are some things you shouldn't say in response, even if they are true:

•  “I never promised that. I said I would look into any problems that arose and I have done that.”

•  “I’ve done the best I could, but I’m busy too and I can’t be everywhere at once.”

If you are defensive or combative, your customer is likely to respond in kind and you’ll never get anywhere. Instead, go in the other direction.

•  “I’m terribly sorry. I understand your problem and I know that it has been very frustrating. I promise to redouble my efforts to straighten things out. I will develop an action plan and discuss with you how we can track our progress.”

It is almost impossible for somebody to remain angry at you when you’re apologizing and offering to fix the problem.

The second possibility is that they are angry at someone in your organization and are unloading on you because you happen to be there. In that case you’ll get a response like:

•  “No it’s not your fault, but I am so furious at those people over in your warehouse. They never seem to get our orders right and when you call them, even though they are very apologetic and polite, nothing ever gets fixed.”

•  “I’m terribly sorry. I understand your problem and I know that it has been very frustrating. I promise to redouble my efforts to straighten things out. I will develop an action plan and discuss with you how we can track our progress.”

Same response on your part but with a slightly different impact. In the first case, it amounts to an apology and a promise to resolve the situation. In the second case the very same words convey a different meaning. You are saying that you are sorry that the situation has arisen and that you will work with them as a team to try to resolve the problem with your warehouse. Again this will tend to take some of the steam out of their anger because you are now their ally trying to correct the situation.

The third possibility is that it’s just a tactic. Some buyers try to unsettle salespeople by being angry and so they negotiate angry to see if they can throw you off. In that case, you’re liable to get a response like:

•  “No I’m not angry at you, but I’m getting sick and tired of the hard-nosed position your company takes when it comes to giving price reductions to your loyal customers.”

Or

•  “Well I’m getting just a little tired of your hard-nosed approach here. Because every time I ask for something you tell me it’s not possible.”

Now you know you’re dealing with tactical anger. You can just move on and totally ignore the anger. Just keep on negotiating. As soon as the other party realizes that you’re not upset by their anger tactic, they will stop using it because a tactic recognized becomes a useless tactic.